The ongoing 讲华语 dan cakap cakap Melayu O Level oral exams traditionally signals that the business-end of the academic season is near – when Singapore schools’ kiasu 1st/2nd/3rd/nth prelims/mock exams etc. lie just around the corner (if they haven’t already started).
This is also the time when the customary horde of Last-Minute Buddha Foot Huggers begin to amass, shed their procrastinating tendencies, and miraculously transform themselves into efficient individuals adopting the Seven Habits of Highly Effective People – as they proactively pick up the phone and call (with THE END very much in mind) …
*rings*
Hi is this Miss Loi? Do you still have any tuition vacancy?
I’m so sorry, our tuition slots are currently full.
*rings*
Hi Miss Loi, I scored F9 in my last exam. Are you able to cover everything from scratch from Sec One to Sec Four maths within three weeks till my prelims?
*rings*
Miss Loi! I failed my mids big-time! Can you cover everything (I mean EVERYTHING) within one month?!! However I can only make it for tuition on Sundays. Maybe Thursdays too if my school remedial schedule permits …
*rings*
Miss Loi do you teach Chemistry/Biology/Combined Sciences/Geography/History/English/Literature/POA/D & T/Chinese/Malay/Tamil/<insert your “favorite” subject here>?
*rings*
Miss Loi can you teach me maths online though a computer screen?
*rings*
Miss Loi, can you do my homework for me?
*rings*
*mournful voice* Miss Loi … I dunno algebra … can I pass? *sob*
*rings again*
*insecure voice* Miss Loi … just do TYS confirm can pass right? …
*rings*
你好，请问你会说普通话吗？恭喜你赢了…
*rings*
Suddenly, the lights dimmed and a clap of thunder reverberated through The Temple, as a long-forgotten Darth Vader-ish Voice sent a chill down Miss Loi’s spine from the other side of the phone.
My Sexy Maths Tutor!
Build for thyself a bigger Temple, for that which thy have is too small!
Immediately, like a maths tutor possessed, Miss Loi cancelled her hair salon appointment to relook at her (perpetually-FULL) tuition class schedule …
More to follow …
