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How To Fail Your Exam Before It Fails You

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Tuition given in the topic of Miss Loi the Tutor from the desk of Miss Loi at 5:35 pm (Singapore time)

Actually it’s quite easily done.

News have filtered in from the frontline of students suffering panic attacks in exam halls. Though it wasn’t their Maths papers, nonetheless Miss Loi shall now observe a minute’s silence in their memory.

*a minute’s silence* … Ok done.

Now look at this question which frequently appears in your Paper 1 to catch the anxious and the weary:

Two variables x and y are related by an equation, y = kxn, where k and n are constants.

State the value of n if

  1. x and y are respectively the radius and volume of a sphere.
  2. x and y are respectively the base and height of a triangle with an area of 10 square units.

To many it’s so easy it’s laughable … in the comfort of your cozy Hello Kitty-filled bedroom of course.

All you need, quite simply, is some knowledge of indices, formulae for area of triangle/volume of sphere, AND the ability to comprehend what the question asks.

But in exam conditions, some will always contrive to confuse their answers for k and n, or waste time producing tons of irrelevant workings when the question simply asks you to STATE. Note: ‘State’ ⇒ no workings required!

Anxiety Leads To Fear. Fear Leads To Panic

In all likelihood, this mess probably occurs when you’re already having trouble with the previous three (or two? or one?) questions in the same paper.

Die lah all dunno … if this simple one cannot do, then later those difficult ones how? … must make sure I get this one right first … $%&# still stuck! … why those I study never come out? … die lah! … ‘Cher will hate me! … Miss Loi will hate me! … I have failed my entire ancestral line! … ok don’t panic I can do this … how come stare at this question for 15 mins still cannot do?!

* … another minute’s silence observed *

A real pity. In theory, if you’ve routinely done what Miss Loi told you here (in red), you shouldn’t really have anything to worry about.

But we are different in our own ways. That’s why talks, discussions and articles on handling exam stress abound.

Different we may be, but Miss Loi would like you to know that everyone suffers from some form of anxiety before and during exams.

Yes even that straight-faced top student in your class. *Even that smug friend of yours who always claim to have finished study everything. And even that foreign cyborg (he’s still 50% human afterall).

Exam Stress

You’re not alone. They’re all with you.

So don’t let it grow into something more sinister. The idea is to make sure you walk out of that hall with no regret, no matter what happens.

It’s nigh impossible to get everything right. Even Miss Loi makes careless mistakes at times (though she’s really good at covering-up). There’s no regret in doing your best and having shown all your workings. But you will regret that panic attack for years to come, should that happen.

While the thought of Miss Loi’s radiant glowing face (thanks to her range of cosmetics) may serve as your source of inspiration in times of need, ultimately it’s your exam.

Not your teacher’s, not Miss Loi’s, not your parents’, and certainly not your ancestors’. To hell with them.

So let no one intimidate your mind during the exam. Answer to no one but yourself. And there’re only two words in this answer: NO REGRETS.

Good luck!

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