Miss Loi’s Mid-Year Holiday Message 2007

It has been a hectic week preparing for the festivities leading up to the opening of Miss Loi’s Temple. Now that things are settling down, Miss Loi finally gets the chance to address the nation’s students with her inaugural Mid-Year Holiday Message 2007 (albeit 1.5 weeks after the holidays started :P).

*Tidies hair*

*Touches up mascara*

*Checks mic – testing 1 2 …*

*Clears throat – Ahem!*

Mid-Year Holiday Message 2007

*Glorious-sounding parliamentary-style music rolls in*

Students, private candidates, friends, comrades, countrymen and all O-Level takers of the nation.

Most of you would have gotten your mid-year results about a week ago.

To Those Who Have Done Well,

I say CONGRATULATIONS to you and may this holiday period offer some well-deserved respite from the hours of hard work you have put into your studies. May you then enjoy your holidays with a peace of mind, and with the comforting knowledge that you will do well this October, provided you maintain your level of effort and commitment till then, and not do silly things like falling in love, getting addicted to Maple Story etc. during this crucial period.

Assuming your recent result was not a fluke, I would like to warn you not to become complacent and rest on your laurels. With the current widespread proliferation of merciless scholastic cyborgs who are probably mugging relentlessly right now even as I speak, scoring 75 marks will probably NOT get you that coveted distinction these days. In fact, with the market permanently ‘spoiled’ and flooded by these foreign beings, you should be aiming for FULL MARKS instead!

*rousing applause*

Lastly, may you find the bargain of your life at the Great Singapore Sale along Orchard Road, or if you’re lucky, enjoy your shopping at Bukit Bintang or Mahboonkrong, and if you’re really lucky, Causeway Bay, 西門町, Dongdaemun, Shibuya *oh lots of envy!!* etc.

To Those Who Studied Hard But Did Not Do Well,

I am a little worried for the lot of you. Please make use of this holiday to identify the root of your problem. Was it your workings, your serial careless mistakes, your understanding of concepts/approaches, or (heaven forbids) a combination of all these?

On many occasions, it stems from the wrong assumptions you have made which rendered invalid many of the stuffs you thought you know well. Also, many of you simply think too much – a straightforward problem requiring the most basic of approaches and yet you managed to complicate things by thinking ten eons ahead of your time.

Regardless of where your problem lies, I urge you to make an appointment with your teacher, or your tutor, or your friend, or even a friendly cyborg as soon as possible to go through with you what exactly went wrong. Go through throroughly ALL mistakes you have made, but DON’T keep buying new assessment books to do new questions – and continue to make the same mistakes again without rectifying your original faults!

Lastly, do not be disheartened or demoralized! No negative emo thoughts of you being stupid, slow, unloved and all that nonsense! There is still time. Your willingness to work hard shows that your problem is more technical than attitudinal. You just need some proper guidance *ahem!* and things should turn out fine. Remember, regardless of what has happened before, everyone (yes even the cyborgs!) starts out on equal footing before every exam – so everyone will stand an equal chance of getting that distinction!

*rousing applause*

But do realize that you can’t really afford any more time for silly things like falling in love, getting addicted to Maple Story etc. from now onwards.

To Those Who Had Never Seriously Studied At All,

You know who you are. You whole lot of lazy @#$@$!!

Barring the unlikely case that you are a MENSA member who rarely needs to do any revision in your lifetime, the majority of you should now be reeling from the horror of horrors of grades conferred upon you as a ‘parting gift’ for your June holidays. Most of the time, you’re also the main reason I can’t go shopping and find the bargain of my life at Orchard Road, Bukit Bintang, Mahboonkrong, Causeway Bay, 西門町, Dongdaemun, Shibuya etc. grrr.

I say CONGRATULATIONS, for you’re now staring at the pretty receptionist at the entrance to the NON-exclusive LMBFHS Club!

My message to you is simple: START STUDYING NOW! Stop all ‘falling in love’ activities, stop your Maple Story, stop your partying (you’re underaged anyway!), stop SMSing or MSNing all day long while pretending you’re studying!

Better blow the dust off that book (you still know where you kept it don’t you?), start looking at your Sec 3/4 O-Level syllabus and ask yourself honestly how much you really know? Grab the latest copy of the 10-Year Series and START PRACTISING NOW! Recognize the fact that you’re now at least one step behind Those Who Studied Hard But Did Not Do Well (see above).

With the increasing difficulty in getting admitted into tertiary institutions here, amongst other things, you have been warned!

With that tirade, I end my Mid-Year Holiday Message. I hereby wish everyone a happy June Holidays.

*rousing applause + standing ovation*

*Glorious-sounding parliamentary-style music rolls in*

The Miss Loi’s Mid-Year Holiday Message 2007 is brought to you LIVE in English by www.exampaper.com.sg. We regret the absence of the Mandarin, Malay and Tamil versions as Miss Loi could not find a translator in time.

Credits

Make-up: Kose
Dress: LVER
Hair: Some anonymous salon in JB

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Miss Loi